Why I stopped chasing people

I used to reach out first.
Start conversations. Keep them going. Check in, follow up, send the next message.
And for a while, it felt normal. That’s just how I am, right?

Until I realized I was the only one doing it.

You start to notice when the replies are always short, delayed, or just dry.
When people never ask back.
When they don’t check in unless you do it first — or at all.
And at some point, it stops feeling like friendship or connection.
It starts to feel like work.

Effort should be mutual — not a test

I’m not saying everyone has to respond instantly or always be available.
But if someone constantly leaves you hanging, or only shows up when it’s convenient, that’s not a connection. That’s imbalance.

And the thing is: you can’t build something real with someone who clearly doesn’t care enough to show up.
No matter how much you care.

Being left on read isn't the issue — the silence after is

Of course it happens. People open a message, get distracted, forget to reply. It’s not always personal.
But if someone consistently leaves you on read — or opened — and doesn’t follow up, they made a choice.

If they really cared, they’d circle back.
If they don’t, that’s your answer.

And I’m done being the one to chase after people who clearly saw the message and still didn’t respond.
If they left it open, they can be the one to re-open the conversation.
It’s not on me anymore.

"Getting left on read once is an accident. Getting ignored repeatedly is a message."

I’m done doing all the work

I’ve learned that if someone wanted to talk, they would.
If someone wanted to keep the connection alive, they’d do more than the bare minimum.

So no — I’m not going to double-text.
I’m not going to chase silence or justify someone’s half-hearted energy.
If you let something fade and act like it’s nothing, I’ll take it as exactly that.

And if you’ve experienced people suddenly switching up their behavior and pretending nothing’s wrong —
I wrote something about that too:
👉 Stop pretending everything’s fine while clearly avoiding people

“If the effort isn’t mutual, the connection isn’t either.”

Peace feels better than chasing

Since I stopped chasing people, things got quiet — but also better.
No more waiting for replies that never come. No more pretending things are fine when they’re clearly not.
No more being disappointed by people who were never really in it to begin with.

It’s simple now:
If you want me in your life, act like it.
If not, I’m not running after anyone anymore.

And honestly?
I’m fine with that.